“I will protect you from everything” - meet the parts 3
“I will protect you from everything”
February 2021 my car hit ice, lost traction, and flipped on its side down a mountain. July 2021 I quit my job at a nonprofit with a broken heart, realizing I wasn’t making the impact I wanted to make, August 2021 I moved to Florida and started at another nonprofit. October 2021 my mom dies. In 2022 I learned one of my grandmothers has died from a Facebook post. June 2022 I once again have to leave a job and start another one with hope and enthusiasm. October 2022 my last living grandmother gets diagnosed with cancer. I leave my job and move back to North Carolina. She dies April 2023.
In this series, you learn how to “meet”, get to know, and work with your parts by watching in real time as I meet each of my parts, listen to them, and stop the war with myself. I’m not a therapist or doctor and this isn’t medical advice. It’s an honest account of one person’s journey, presented in a way that might help you. This work is based on my knowledge of Internal Family systems (IFS) created by Dick Schwartz.
If you have experienced any of the above, you probably also have a strong protector part that wants to keep you safe, out of trouble, and somewhat functional. Throw in a nervous system that reacts at the drop of a feather, a dysfunctional family, and lack of support system and you have a recipe for creating a part that has the power to stop you in your tracks the second it feels the cashier at the grocery store looked at you wrong thus triggering world war 3.
Normally, I jump into noticing and speaking directly to the target part. For this post, I need to explain the context. At the end of July 2026, I had completed 2 months of IFS with a therapist. I then started checking in with my parts on my own. Despite 3 years of therapy, coaching, personal growth, and an all out war with myself, my life looked pretty much the same. I just didn’t see the effort pay off in any meaningful way. I wanted to know why and I wanted to know what silent, invisible forcefield constantly stopped me from going all in and doing the things I knew would grow my two small businesses. I know it’s time to do some IFS with myself when I hear a part speak but whatever was stopping me didn’t speak, at least not with words. I couldn’t see an image or hear a thought, I could only feel and notice it’s effects.
Me: ok part, I feel you there. You protect me. I notice my shoulders, jaw, and neck are tense. I deliberately release the tension
protector part: says and does nothing
Me: *breathes and connects to SELF energy* Ok I know we have tried to change and reason with and attack you. That’s not going to happen here. I want to listen to what you have to say
protector part: continues to do nothing
Me: does this have anything to do with the car accident I was in? I noticed you reacted very strongly to the trauma story yesterday.
protector part: does nothing
Me: ok thank you for being here. I’ll come back later
3 hours later
A part speaks: we are stuck in the car. We didn’t escape successfully. We just gave up. There was no reason to fight. Think about our life. We hated our job, we were traumatized by our home life, our relationship was full of red flags. We hadn’t created much of anything meaningful, joyful, or significant. There are parts that hated us. We stuffed and disowned and distracted and suppressed almost everything that could have been helpful because we didn’t know how to handle the anger, grief, and sadness. Of course we gave up, it makes sense. Even when our physical body got out of the car, other parts beat the living shit out of us for getting in an accident, totaling the car, driving to a shitty job. We were so miserable we might as well have died. And look, it seems like our life has gotten worse, not better. What the hell are we doing living in a basement anyway? Seriously, we could be doing so much better but we have to address all the parts first. Of course you have a protector part shielding you from me.
Me: connects to self energy to listen. Thank you for telling me. I’m noticing I can sit and be with all of this without reacting or making a plan to blow up my life. Im here now, what do you need? How can I help you get out of the car?
part: there is nothing about my life right now that I want to get out of the car for
Me: makes sense. eats lunch and cuts a piece of cake for dessert while the part remains silent. I do not judge, force, manipulate, bargain with, etc the part. I let it sit in the car. I enjoy my cake and coffee while I patiently and calmly wait by the car. I don’t abandon the part but I also don’t let it run the show.
Me: I really do understand. I going to be right here, you aren’t alone. When you’re ready, I’ll update you on our life now. There have been some new developments. I notice some pain in the left side of my head, neck, and shoulder. I use a smart spine cradle to do some gentle movement and release the tension.
part: it seems like it wants to cry but remains in the car
Me: I’m going to end the session for right now but I’m always here
3 hours later
Me: its getting late and the sun is going down. Parts, can you help me get her out of the car? The other parts assist. The part stuck in the car doesn’t resist and lets herself be lifted out of the car and put into a very warm, cozy bed.
The next day
Me: Hi part, I’m here to check on you.
car part: the part is awake and sitting up in bed but doesn’t respond. She does notice that there is less tension and that it feels a little bit safer. Ok maybe you can show me around today but we have to go slow. I was just in a car accident
Me: we will go as slow as you need. I know we’ve moved too fast in the past and it didn’t give you enough time to catch up. You can wear your favorite outfit.
the part gets out of bed and I do a body scan. I’m noticing a don’t have to force my jaw, neck, or shoulder to relax. A part of me feels some hesitation and isn’t sure working with the car part is going to work. I ask it to write down it’s thoughts so we can connect later.
Me: ok car part, can I call you car part? the part is amused and agrees. So the first thing to know is your grandmother and mother have died. They are no longer here, no longer fighting, no longer terrorizing us. We feel some relief but there are other parts that are still fighting over that situation which SELF is mediating. But I want you to know that you are free from that situation. You were carrying a lot of terror and sadness and distress and it makes perfect sense why you didn’t want to get out of the car. I know this is a lot. Let’s take a break. How are you feeling?
the part and me feel the sadness and grief of loss. I cry. My throat, shoulder, head, and jaw tighten with tension. I sit with it and it shifts after a few seconds. I take a break to play a game and feel so tired that I fall asleep for a long nap. I then eat dinner and return to the part.
Me: ok part, I’m noticing a lot more calm and peace, how are you feeling.
car part: I know there is still more to do but I made a lot of progress for today. I think I’m going to be ok.
Me: ok let’s end the session for today and I’ll check in tomorrow
The next day
Me: Hi car part. I’m here. Is there anything you want to talk about?
car part: no, actually I’m ok for right now. I’m not sure how we are going to move forward and create the life we want but getting out of the car was probably a good first step. I just don’t want to get my hopes up. I’m tired of being crushed by disappointment. It’s just not worth it. I can dream about a big fancy life all I want, but if I never achieve it, that dream just becomes a reminder of failure
Me: makes sense, how about we change our definition of success to something much more achievable and realistic? Something smaller so we don’t get so overwhelmed and crushed.
car part: I’m interested
Me: our new goal is to like ourselves
car part: … that’s it?
Me: that’s it.
car part: that’s still a big goal
Me: considering everything that’s happened, all the choices we’ve made, all the mess we have to clean up, yes its a big goal. Rebuilding self trust is going to get us where we want to go though, what do you think?
car part: yea, ok, i see what you mean. I feel a bit of hope
Me: ok the first step is checking in with all the parts, getting to know them, and addressing issues but there are a lot of parts and I need your help. You are a leader, they listen to you, can you help me connect with them?
car part: yes I can. I notice this part feels much more optimistic
Me: there are some scary parts, if it ever gets to be too much just let me handle it. You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do.
car part: ok
Me: anything else before I end the session for today?
car part: I’m ok, thank you
Much love and many blessings,
Meagan