“Why am I still crying and grieving? Why can’t I just get over it like everyone else? Why can’t I move on and stop it?”
All of us have different facets, aspects, or parts that guard us, protect us, direct us, and in general take care of us. They show up as thoughts, fears, emotions, colors, sounds, and behaviors. Getting to know each part can be the key to positive change and and restoring peace and trust with yourself.
In this post, I’ll explore the part of me that wants to be over the grief and move on. If you have a part that feels something similar and you want to restore peace and move forward with your grief journey keep reading to see how to effectively work with this part.
In this series, you learn how to “meet”, get to know, and work with your parts by watching in real time as I meet each of my parts, listen to them, and stop the war with myself. I’m not a therapist or doctor and this isn’t medical advice. It’s an honest account of one person’s journey, presented in a way that might help you. This work is based on my knowledge of Internal Family systems (IFS) created by Dick Schwartz. I do not censor or edit these posts so that parts can fully express themselves without being interrupted.
Me: starts to cry and panic that we aren’t done grieving the loss of several family members yet. Does a self soothing exercise and counts down from 19 to regulate my nervous system
ok part, I’m here, I heard you while working with the health part. You really want to be over it already and wonder if there is something wrong with you.
grief part: why, why, WHY? Why are we back on the couch crying? Why am I still hurting? Why can’t I be like other people who just go back to work and are fine? What’s wrong with me? Why can’t I stop?
Me: do you notice that even with the wave of grief, you are still able to work on this blog and help others? The grief isn’t stopping you.
grief part: it still feels shitty
Me: how did you like the self soothing we just did? Was it helpful?
grief part: actually it did stop us from spiraling out of control. Although we got upset, we were able to recover. Are you saying this is just our normal now? This is just part of being human and we can still be productive? Are we ever going to be happy again? starts to tear up
Me: I see that this is work for you, this is hard work. This is painful and unpleasant and distressing. I am here with you.
grief part: it’s just that, we aren’t doing anything cool with our life. We have so much freedom and choice and I seem to be trapped in this hole of grief.
Me: what cool things do you want to be doing?
grief part: I want to have fun building a business and go on Disney World trips and buy our own house and have a crazy craft room and just enjoy being a human on planet earth. I don’t want to waste time and energy dragging around grief and comparison and shame.
hmmm well, I better let go of my bag full of grief, comparison, and shame then.
Me: that could be a good first step. Did that bag serve a purpose?
grief part: it might have been reminding me what happened so I don’t become a victim of the same fate. I was trying to protect us.
Me: makes sense. Did it work?
grief part: so far it has, we haven’t died a terrible death yet.
Me: maybe we should hold on to the bag then since it’s serving a purpose.
grief part: it’s heavy though, and I’m noticing how exhausted I am dragging it every where. Maybe I could just drop it for a little while and rest here and see what happens.
Me: would you like me to sit here with you? I’m happy to.
grief part: I’m actually ok, I’m ok being alone for a little bit. Thank you though.
Me: ok
ends session
Discussion
Could you relate to any part of this session? Are you surprised that I didn’t attempt to force the part to stop grieving or put down the weight it was carrying? What might have happened if I did?
What did you notice about how I talked to the grieving part? How do you usually talk to your parts?
Do you have a part with a similar desire and feeling of being trapped? What happened when you explored it? You don’t have to do this alone, I’m here to help. Click book now at the top of the screen to book a session with me or, if you feel the issue is severe, please find a licensed mental health professional to support you. If you’re reading this, please know I care about you and want you to THRIVE. You deserve that. It’s normal to need support during grief. Most of us aren’t prepared for how hard grief and loss and hit us and don’t have a safe space to talk about it. That’s why I’m here.
Much love and many blessings,
Meagan