“I’m a failure at dieting and eating healthy, I might as well give up”
All of us have different facets, aspects, or parts that guard us, protect us, direct us, and in general take care of us. They show up as thoughts, fears, emotions, colors, sounds, and behaviors. Getting to know each part can be the key to positive change and and restoring peace and trust with yourself.
In this post, I’ll explore the part of me that wants to be healthy but doesn’t know how and gives up. If you have a part that feels something similar and you want to restore peace and move forward with your health and wellness goals, keep reading to see how to effectively work with this part.
In this series, you learn how to “meet”, get to know, and work with your parts by watching in real time as I meet each of my parts, listen to them, and stop the war with myself. I’m not a therapist or doctor and this isn’t medical advice. It’s an honest account of one person’s journey, presented in a way that might help you. This work is based on my knowledge of Internal Family systems (IFS) created by Dick Schwartz. I do not censor or edit these posts so that parts can fully express themselves without being interrupted.
Me: ok part, I’m here, I heard you last night when we were researching recipes. You are in distress and I want to know what’s going on. Please tell me, I’m here.
distressed part: I literally cannot choke down any more protein. All these sources are telling me I need 100-120 grams everyday and I’m trying my absolute best but the macros apps tell me I never get enough and day after day I fail. This is why I gave up, I always miss the goal. I failed day after day. How can I fail at eating? I know we eat too much junk food, I 100% agree but I am just not able to eat that much meat, protein powder and yogurt. I’ve already changed so much and the apps tell me it’s not good enough. I enjoy being healthy but this isn’t sustainable and I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to feel like a failure any more. I don’t want our health to suffer and I don’t want to gain a bunch of weight but I can’t do the protein anymore, we need a different path. Please help.
Me: sees how distressed the part is and feels a lot of concern, does some SE exercises to discharge the panic
What is your definition of health?
distressed part: I want to be perfect like the people I see on the health Youtube videos. I’m afraid of getting sick like mom. I have to be perfect. I shouldn’t even think about junk food. I should be immune to it.
Me: I’m noticing that by those standards, it’s understandable you feel like a failure.
distressed part: now that I’m saying it out loud, I’m wondering if my standards are realistic. Also, why is my definition based on other people?
the part pauses to think
I guess I’m afraid to get the health thing wrong, I want to protect us from suffering and pain. That’s really scary to me, this fear is very real and sharp and intrusive.
a terrified, grieving part intrudes and I start crying. I take a break from the session to complete a self soothing exercise to calm and regulate with supressing.
Me: ok part I’m back. I apologize I needed to address the grieving part before we could continue.
part: it’s ok, I understand. Dying like mom is wildly terrifying and distressing. It’s no wonder we are so dysfunctional and lost. And up until now, we haven’t even been able to talk about it. All of this is very new.
Me: thank you so much for your support. I had never thought about that. All of this is very new. Of course it’s disorienting. It makes sense. And you caring about health makes sense. I see now that the food tracker apps aren’t healthy for us. I went ahead and deleted it. What would be a better, healthier way for us to check in about health?
part: I see us doing our best just to get through each day and each therapy session. It’s a lot. Maybe I should take the pressure off our diet for the next 2 and half months while we engage in therapy. Maybe there is only so much we can do at a time and maybe that’s ok. Also I trust us to still eat our veggies and to avoid fast food benders.
Me: wow what a change of tune. You were really distressed over our eating last night and now you seem much more relaxed and at peace.
part: talking about it has really untangled and illuminated some things for me. And I see that the pressure and stress wasn’t helping and what we really needed was to address the fear and grief.
Me: does this feel complete for now? We covered a lot of ground
part: it does, thank you for talking to me. You are going to be a great coach one day.
Me: thank you!!!! that means so much
ends session
Discussion
Did you relate to any of this session?
Did you catch that there was a fear hiding under the health and wellness stress? If I had stayed surface level, I never would have gotten to the core fear.
What did you notice about how I talked to the distressed part? How do you usually talk to your parts?
Do you have a part with a similar desire and feeling of panic? What happened when you explored it? You don’t have to do this alone, I’m here to help. Click book now at the top of the screen to book a session with me or, if you feel the issue is severe, please find a licensed mental health professional to support you. If you’re reading this, please know I care about you and want you to THRIVE. You deserve that.
Much love and many blessings,
Meagan