“I’m not making enough money. I’m going to be homeless”
All of us have different facets, aspects, or parts that guard us, protect us, direct us, and in general take care of us. They show up as thoughts, fears, emotions, colors, sounds, and behaviors. Getting to know each part can be the key to positive change and to restoring peace and trust with yourself.
In this post, I’ll explore the part of me that is terrified of bad things happening if they run out of money. If you have a part that feels something similar and you want to restore peace and stop the panic, keep reading to see how to effectively work with this part.
In this series, you learn how to “meet”, get to know, and work with your parts by watching in real time as I meet each of my parts, listen to them, and stop the war with myself. I’m not a therapist or doctor and this isn’t medical advice. It’s an honest account of one person’s journey, presented in a way that might help you. This work is based on my knowledge of Internal Family systems (IFS) created by Dick Schwartz. I do not censor or edit these posts to make them look “better” or more palatable. The only healing I’ve ever experienced has come from telling the 100% truth, these posts reflect that and give you permission to tell your truth 100%.
Me: ok part, I’m here, I heard you when I was working on the depression book. You are afraid. Can you explain more?
money part: We are going to be homeless, what is wrong with you? We are running out of money, we don’t have income. Our future is full of pain and misery and the only fix is money, more money, constant flow of money, never ending money. Everything is bad, everything is wrong. This isn’t how our life is supposed to be. We were supposed to be happy. We were supposed to have a career by now and be happily married, and have our own cute little house. We aren’t supposed to be depressed and sad and grieving. This is all wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong! We were supposed to be free of our family and independent and thriving. Don’t you remember? That’s what we used to envision for ourselves. I still want that. I’m trying so hard to give us that. Please help. I need help. No one is listening to me. I’m trying so hard. This just isn’t how our life is supposed to be. I’m a complete failure. Nothing is going right. Everything is wrong. Of course I’m panicking, everything is wrong, everything is bad, everything is pain. I have no hope of making anything right, every time I try, I just fail. We are never going to get where we want to be, never. Everything is pointless. Nothing I do helps.
Me: connects to self energy
I remember, I remember the vision I had for my adult life. I know exactly what you are talking about. It makes sense now. Everything you are saying makes sense. You are running on old programming that didn’t account for major life events like death and loss and illness and trauma. And we weren’t prepared for those things. No one taught us the tools that might help us. Of course you are struggling and suffering. Of course you are. And of course you think money will solve all our problems. It’s the only thing you were taught.
I know how to help you. We need to update your programming. Would you be willing to do that? I’ll help you through the whole process.
money part: well everything I’ve been doing hasn’t worked. What do you mean update my program?
Me: what you are describing as our life plan, is from our childhood. It’s a good place to start but it needs to be updated to incorporate all the things we’ve learned, experienced, what we need to take care of ourselves now, and who is currently in our life. A lot has happened in the last 20 years.
money part: but I just want things to be simple. I don’t want a complicated plan or 54 step daily routine.
Me: I think we can make that happen. I don’t like complicated 54 step routines either. And I don’t like doing things that don’t actually work or add to our quality of life.
money part: are you sure throwing money at our problems isn’t going to work, it seems easier.
Me: let’s test it. Did our problems disappear when we were working and paying $2,000 a month in rent?
money part: no we were pretty miserable, both at home and at work.
Me: did our problems disappear when we paid off all our credit card debt?
money part: well we did learn an important lesson about how painful it is to pay back what we owed. It didn’t fix our fear around money and it didn’t stop us from spending. We did that from learning and growing.
Me: Did our problems disappear when everyone died and we sold everything?
money part: no, the pain and grief were so overwhelming we drowned in it for years. No amount of money soothed our sorrow or depression. It certainly didn’t save our nervous system.
Me: you aren’t wrong, we need income to buy food, shelter, healthcare, and gas for the car. It’s just that money alone won’t fix problems that aren’t money related.
money part: so we have work to do then?
Me: we have some work to do
money part: ok where should we start?
Me: I need your help. Would you be willing to work with me?
money part: ok
Me: first let’s update your programming with a realistic life plan.
A. daily self care (good sleep habits, regular meal times, lots of veggies, supplements, walking)
B. take care of nervous system ( SE exercises, therapy apps when needed, use charts and tools, healthy environment)
C. FUN! do things that feel good daily
D. Receive income that feels good (share what I know, help others, solve fun problems)
E. Have a supportive, easy money system (savings, retirement, investment)
F. Effective system for achieving goals (progress based not outcome based, reward, get coaching support when needed)
money part: I don’t recognize any of this. How do we do this? When do I get my house?!
Me: I understand why you’re lost. Being an adult means taking care of ourselves, not just dreaming and running from one shiny thing to another.
money part: yea, I have to admit I did a lot of jumping from thing to thing without much thought. And we don’t have adults to take care of us anymore. Not that they did that great of a job. I feel like we have a lot to learn
Me: Yes! We are missing a lot of skills and are having to learn a ton of things at once.
money part: I do want to take better care of us
Me: is there anything on our list that seems interesting that you want to explore?
money part: well, we have already changed our self care and nervous system. I’m interested in this new system for achieving goals.
Me: I’m new that that as well, can you give me some time to listen to the therapist’s video again and figure it out?
money part: yes, I’m already feeling much more calm.
Me: thank you for your patience and thank you for talking to me
ends session
Discussion
How do your parts feel about money?
Is there a part of you that has bought into the belief that money fixes everything? Has that worked?
What did you notice about how I talked to the part that was in pain? How do you usually talk to your parts?
Do you have a part with old programming that needs to be updated? What happened when you explored it? You don’t have to do this alone, I’m here to help. Click book now at the top of the screen to book a session with me or, if you feel the issue is severe, please find a licensed mental health professional to support you. If you’re reading this, please know I care about you and want you to THRIVE. You deserve that.
Much love and many blessings,
Meagan