“I only see pain in my future”
All of us have different facets, aspects, or parts that guard us, protect us, direct us, and in general take care of us. They show up as thoughts, fears, emotions, colors, sounds, and behaviors. Getting to know each part can be the key to positive change and to restoring peace and trust with yourself.
In this post, I’ll explore the part of me that projects the pain of the past into the foreseeable future and is terrified to move forward. If you have a part that feels something similar and you want to restore peace and stop the panic, keep reading to see how to effectively work with this part.
In this series, you learn how to “meet”, get to know, and work with your parts by watching in real time as I meet each of my parts, listen to them, and stop the war with myself. I’m not a therapist or doctor and this isn’t medical advice. It’s an honest account of one person’s journey, presented in a way that might help you. This work is based on my knowledge of Internal Family systems (IFS) created by Dick Schwartz. I do not censor or edit these posts to make them look “better” or more palatable. The only healing I’ve ever experienced has come from telling the 100% truth, these posts reflect that and give you permission to tell your truth 100%.
Me: ok part, I’m here, I heard you when I was working on the grief workbook this morning. I see you are in a lot of pain. Tell me everything, I’m listening
pain part: When I look at our future all I see is pain. D’s health is shit, he is going to die, we have been getting more and more sick, without income we will be homeless, we have been grieving nonstop for 5+ years, we can’t stop crying, we’ve spent thousands on therapy, courses, coaching, and books. We are a complete failure at both of our businesses. All I can see is us struggling with depression and self-hate and extreme disappointment. I haven’t felt much energy or motivation for anything, even things we used to find fun, even things we want to do, in years. I can’t seem to find much happiness or joy or even relief. I mean sometimes I can but it’s so fleeting it doesn’t seem worth all the work it took to get. I absolutely will not let us move forward to a future of pain. It’s better to stay here where it’s safe.
Me: AHHHH!!! It makes so much sense now. Of course we don’t want to move forward. Of course we haven’t moved forward and are still here. Thank you for clarifying!!!!!
pain part: slightly confused by my joy
This is all bad. Why are you celebrating? We are miserable.
Me: no, only some parts of us are miserable. There are other parts that know how to course correct and can help, they just didn’t know what was getting in the way and now they do. You are the part that tells the truth about our current situation when other parts put on a mask and pretend like things are ok. Thank you for telling the truth. You are hugely valuable.
pain part: well, ummm, you’re welcome, I guess. I’m used to the other parts hating me. I don’t know what to think.
Me: I accept full responsibility for that. I needed to be more of a trust worth leader. I’m here now, I’ve been learning new tools and practices and ways to support myself and support you. I didn’t know what to do back then, but if you want help, I think we can get us to a better place. It’s up to you. I also want to reiterate, everything you said makes sense.
pain part: remains quiet
ok how are you going to fix this?
Me: we are going to fix this. I need your help. I need you to keep telling the truth even if the other parts won’t. But this time, I’m actually going to listen and won’t let you struggle alone. I can’t promise that everything will be perfect and we won’t ever feel pain but we can get support and work together. What’s the first thing we should work on?
pain part: Can we start with having fun again?
Me: yes, absolutely. What sounds fun to you right now?
pain part: how about we make a snack? Those fun pancake bites we bought yesterday.
Me: you got it. Thank you for working with me today. I’m grateful for you.
ends session
Discussion
How do you feel about the simplicity of this session? Did the action of making a snack seem just right or not enough to you? What about telling the truth? Do you find telling yourself the truth to be easy, difficult, or somewhere in the middle?
What did you notice about how I talked to the part that was in pain? How do you usually talk to your parts?
Do you have a part with a similar desire and feeling of pain? What happened when you explored it? You don’t have to do this alone, I’m here to help. Click book now at the top of the screen to book a session with me or, if you feel the issue is severe, please find a licensed mental health professional to support you. If you’re reading this, please know I care about you and want you to THRIVE. You deserve that.
Much love and many blessings,
Meagan