Does your brain send you terrifying thoughts and images? Here’s how to address it.

If you clicked on this post, you are probably very familiar with the following situation and are desperate to find a tool that actually works. The following passage is a real example, from my own brain and life (no A.I.) typed in real time about my brain sending me fear messages and how I walked myself through it. You can follow my lead and do the same for yourself. After the real life example, I break down the steps to parts work to give you an explanation of how it works.

Is this you —————>

then keep reading

“What the hell is wrong with you?!?! Why are you making tea? We are going to be homeless, like that old lady in the welfare line in the Bruce Hornsby song. That is GOING TO BE US!!! You need to be working harder on your business”

Uh oh, I thought. A part of me is scared right now. I better check in. I finished making my earl grey and sat on the couch.

Ok part, something is really important to you. I connected to Self energy (calm, clear, confident, connected, compassionate, curious, courageous, creative) and asked the part to tell me everything.

The qualities of SELF

None of this works if you aren’t connected to self energy

“We don’t have enough income and I’m afraid something bad will happen to us, like we will be homeless and that will be so excruciating painful and shameful that I would rather starve to death. You aren’t doing enough to prevent this. You aren’t working hard enough. You just aren’t good enough. The song, think of the song!”

I took another sip of my tea. I didn’t tense up or get angry or argue or shame the part of me that was afraid right now. These are all responses I had used in the past and can tell you with certainty that they don’t work and are rarely helpful. Instead I checked in with my shoulders and relaxed them and took a normal, calm breath.

“You are really scared right now” I acknowledged the part. I could see how exhausted it was trying to keep me safe from the imagined catastrophic fate. This part of me was miserable. It needed care. I also recognized that it’s fears weren’t 100% based in reality. I currently had housing, a fridge full of food, and enough clean running water to make a million cups of tea. I didn’t need to react as if the fear was just about to come true. I didn’t need to stress or activate my nervous system. And most importantly, I didn’t need to work on my business while drowning in fear and misery. I have rules about doing that.

Instead, I listen to and acknowledged the part and asked it what it noticed about me paying attention to it. It said that it felt more calm and had forgotten the plan to be SELF led. The fear took over for a moment but it was back to normal. I asked what role or job it wanted to take on in my life. It responded that it was really interested in making the posts for social media and was proud of the work I had created so far. I agreed and promised to check in next time I wanted to post.

I then made myself lunch and went on about my day.

Here’s a breakdown of what happened and a step-by step guide for doing this yourself

1. I notice and hear the terrifying thought

2. I recognize that this is just a part of me talking, not all of me. I don’t identify or blend or enmesh myself with the thought, I keep it separate.

3. I remain calm and in self energy (calm, clear, confident, connected, compassionate, curious, courageous, creative)

4. I sit down and address the part and ask it to tell me everything.

5. Sometimes a visual element comes up, for example sometimes I imagine the part is a small scared child talking to my current, adult self. I listen and sometimes write down what the part is saying

6. I do not react, shame, argue with or try to change the part in any way.

7. I breathe

8. I ask the part questions that I’m interested to know the answers to, to help me better understand it

9. I acknowledge any pain, fear, or anger its feeling. I validate it

10. I notice any changes in me. Do I feel less stress or tension in my body? Is there more to learn?

11. I give the part plenty of time to process and calm down

12. I ask the part if it would like a new role or job or if it needs something else.

13. I honor my commitments to myself and follow through.

14. I go on about my day

If you have any questions about this process, get stuck, or want to experience it with a facilitator, I’m here. Your first session is always gifted from me to you. Book a time that works best for you. Doing this work is life changing.

Much love and many blessings,

Meagan