“I want to create a peaceful life for myself” - meet the parts 2

Part- “I see myself waking up in my own house, in my own bed, everything is so quiet and peaceful. The heaviness in my chest is gone. I feel light and free. Only my clothes hang in my closet. There is so much room and space in my life. I smile. I have the whole house to myself. I love the solitude and tranquility. I go down to the kitchen. All of my favorite tea is there, my favorite food. I have an easy day of creating, having fun, and helping clients who pay me well, ahead of me. I have simplicity, comfort, ease, and stability because I designed my life that way. My parts no longer hold me back but instead support me and help me. For the first time in my life I actually like myself, I like my own company. I no longer people please. I take deep care of myself the same way I used to take care of others. This is what all those self love people talked about. I’m so grateful for this time to get to know myself without the voices of others bombarding me and invading my thoughts. I get to hear my SELF wonder and explore. Yes it took courage to go out on my own but it paid off 10 fold.”

Me- I want this too, how do I create this? What’s the first step?

Protector manager part- I’ll never let you. that path is way to risky. you could fall and hurt yourself. we all know you are a complete failure at making money and oh yea literally everything else. You are just never going to get this. you aren’t brave or courageous. you’re weak and pathetic. you never stand up for what you want. it actually wouldn’t be that hard to achieve this, but we all know you aren’t going to get off your ass and do it.

Me- anything else?

Protector manager part - yea I’m actually mad at you because I believe in you and know you are capable. but i watched you make choice after choice that’s detrimental. I understand you were listening to the other moron parts but I’ve been here the whole time cheering you on to go in the direction that’s right for you. my voice keeps getting drowned out. I stopped speaking for the most part because you just can’t hear or see me. you would rather create a false fantasy in your head than actually make your dreams come true in real life. well there is a firefighter than creates a false fantasy

firefighter part- hello yes thats me. I get sick of this asshat yelling at you ALL THE TIME so I created a dream world where you could escape and find some peace even for just a few moments.

overwhelmed part- i can’t deal with this. we’ve been fighting for so long im going to shut the whole thing down if you dont stop. our body cant take this. you are going to make us sick and my job is to stop that from happening. meagan doesn’t want to be sick. remember how we all watched her family get sick and die? I will absolutely not let that happen under any circumstance. im bigger and stronger than any of you. so shut the fuck up right now

Me- overwhelmed part I can see this is really important to you. I can also see how exhausted you are. im here, it’s safe for you to rest. thank you for talking to me. you’re right, we do need to stop the fighting, it’s not getting us anywhere. Do you trust me to take over and untangle all of this while you rest?

overwhelmed part- yes i would love to rest and I can see how you’re helping. I trust you for now

Me- thank you. ok protector manager part. I see that you believe in me, even when the other parts don’t and I see how hard you’ve been trying to help me and get my attention. I love how organized you are and how hard you try and make a plan for us to get what we want. its actually really helpful and appreciated. and firefighter part, I see how hard you protect me when the manager turns to shame even if the things it’s saying are true. you are trying so hard to make everything ok the best way you know how. you are effective at your job. you really did give us moments of peace. I see you both trying your best and i see that both of you are exhausted and don’t want to give up because you want the same thing. and since you don’t see me happy you just keep up the fight. you will keep fighting until you reach your goal.

*both parts feel seen and heard*

would you been interested in trying a different way to get me to a place of happiness and peace? you are free to say no, no one is forcing you.

both parts are tired and agree and for the first time, recognize that each part wants the same thing

Me- *connects to SELF energy. calm, clear, confident, curious, connected, creative, compassionate, courage to find a way to happiness and peace without the shame of the manager or the fantasy escape of the firefighter.

my options are:

1. look for opportunities to make $100,000 a year consistently and buy the house i see in my ideal day exercise

2. get my patreon community up and thriving, connect with good humans

3. put my stuff in storage and drive away with no plan and no agenda, just get away

4. go to my sisters

5. attract 100 coaching clients, get an office space and spend a lot of time there

6. follow my interest in IFS and see where it goes

7. focus so much on my personal growth that i don’t have time to fight or worry, use it to suppress

8. deliberately ignore my problems and do nothing, spend time playing games and shopping

9. figure out how to be homeless and just live out my life in survival mode

10. hop from partner to partner focusing on them, people pleasing and ignoring my internal parts

11. allow my parts to start a war again and get lost

12. become self led and make every decision from a place of calm and clarity no matter where it leads

13. stay small and hidden

After reading the list several times, I decide to follow my interest in IFS and see where it goes.

I end the session in peace.

Much love and many blessings,

Meagan