“I’m weak, pathetic, broken. What is wrong with me?”
All of us have different facets, aspects, or parts that guard us, protect us, direct us, and in general take care of us. They show up as thoughts, fears, emotions, colors, sounds, and behaviors. Getting to know each part can be the key to positive change and restoring peace and trust with yourself.
In this post, I’ll explore the part of me that compares itself to others and constantly feels less than. If you have a part that feels something similar and you want to restore peace and stop the comparison, keep reading to see how to effectively work with this part.
In this series, you learn how to “meet”, get to know, and work with your parts by watching in real time as I meet each of my parts, listen to them, and stop the war with myself. I’m not a therapist or doctor and this isn’t medical advice. It’s an honest account of one person’s journey, presented in a way that might help you. This work is based on my knowledge of Internal Family systems (IFS) created by Dick Schwartz. I do not censor or edit these posts to make them look “better” or more palatable. The only healing I’ve ever experienced has come from telling the 100% truth, these posts reflect that and give you permission to tell your truth 100%.
Me: ok part, I’m here, I heard you last night in bed. I see you’re desperate and panicking and want to help. Tell me everything, I’m listening
broken part: I’m just not as good as other people, why can’t I just make things happen like other people? I’m broken, I have a mental illness, I’ll just never heal or be as good as people who aren’t sick. I tried, it didn’t work. I’m a failure. I don’t deserve anything good. Everyone else is better than me. I’m not worthy. I’m weak and pathetic. What the hell is wrong with me? Why can’t I just be average or normal?
Me: I’m here with you. Who are you comparing yourself to?
broken part: family members
Me: do you actually want to be like them? Are they actually happy and healthy and living the kind of life you aspire to?
broken part: they have houses
Me: anything else?
broken part: no
Me: hmm
broken part: maybe it isn’t very productive to compare myself to them and imagine bad things happening to me.
Me:
broken part: ok fine but we are still depressed
Me: how are we going to take care of that?
broken part: Well, the two books on depression we’re reading seem to have some good steps to take and the author got himself out of a worse depression than us so that’s a good sign. Also, I think you’re right, imagining bad things happening to us isn’t helping.
Me: yea, I’m remembering last night where we started to imagine what we wanted instead of what we didn’t want. I really loved the house you came up with. How did you feel about it?
broken part: I could feel us running our hand over the brand new counter top and it just felt good. I’m wasting my energy comparing myself to others and seeing worst case scenarios.
Me: you seem much happier
part: yea I just needed some support and guidance. This really did work.
ends session
Discussion
Are you surprised that I didn’t try and convince my part that comparison was “bad” or “wrong” and that it should stop? What might have happened if I tried to argue with the part?
What did you notice about how I talked to the part that believed it was broken? How do you usually talk to your parts?
Do you have a part with a similar desire and feeling of despair? What happened when you explored it? You don’t have to do this alone, I’m here to help. Click book now at the top of the screen to book a session with me or, if you feel the issue is severe, please find a licensed mental health professional to support you. If you’re reading this, please know I care about you and want you to THRIVE. You deserve that.
Much love and many blessings,
Meagan